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Divest

by Steve Layman

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1.
Confess 02:04
I don’t know what I’m doing, But I know it’s my time to be. If I must be, may I be free. I don’t know what I’m saying, But I know it’s my turn to speak. If I must speak, may I do so honestly. Simply put, The modern age has shaken my faith. My body is bad technology too defective to be remade. No subset of society keeps my focus in its frames. I’m not a punk, I’m not a radical, I don’t feel sober, Not much of an artist. I’m not a joke, Not a name or a number, Or a waste of space & days. I’m just a simple human being, Searching for joy through entropy. To feel the faintest light, I might name it truth; If there is truth to be believed.
2.
Plain 03:49
I’m the kind of guy Who will try until he dies, But then I’ll catch a flat or run out of gas On my drive to the after-life. Patrons, saints, sinners & auto mechanics Pass me by, As I struggle on the shoulder Between the Devil and a man in white. Who needs a savior when you finally feel the light? I’m the kind of person Always talking about a better future, But every day I do the same thing Every night I fall asleep in the same place. Genius called that insanity Most just call it maturity Grow up, grow your hair out, Start a career or crash your car. Who needs a plan when failure’s never all that far? I’m not a good man, I’m just a Layman; Stupid, simple & plain. When moving forward feels like standing in place, When there’s always something else to blame, When the questions are always hard to phrase, When the answers are almost always vague: Why even move your feet at all? Why stand up just to take the fall? Why search for words inside your head When your voice will never reach the passing cars? I’m not a good man, I’m just a Layman; Stupid, simple & plain. I’m not quite worthless, I’m just a person; Stupid, simple & plain.
3.
Stubble 02:11
When I feel awful, I tend to fill my head With cold truths that “I am nothing”, That the gloom might pass in death. A better tomorrow Seems so improbable, To the point that every day Feels survived & every night Is endured. I can’t save the world, I can’t save my friends, Why try and save myself When I’m consumed like all the rest? Money, success & purpose, Anxiety & nothingness. Am I humanitarian or narcissist? Why live between the lies Of right & wrong? From the outside looking in Growth without torment Doubt is not a sin Fear is human Now when I feel awful I’m going to shave my head. If I can change the way it looks, I can change what’s inside of it. It’s not about perfection, Or equilibrium; If you get a tomorrow, You better live it better Than the other ones. What if I fall back down and my hair’s too short to shave? Will I go without a scalp, let the flesh decay inside a trophy case?
4.
Again 03:20
Pack it up, pack it in Let me begin to live again. Outside this lonely heart Full of false starts & Unpaid debts. I want my world back Solitude With six strings & a pen. Where a night in is a choice Not the only option left. Where nobody knows your name No one calls to see your around. Palahniuk told me I wasn’t unique At fifteen I just didn’t believe him. At twenty-something, I put both my feet on the ground Made a promise to pretend to be different: I’d be successful. I’d have passion. I’d be exciting. I’d have direction. When I traded in reality for a dream The confidence was spent with the paycheck. I’m still just an aimless kid with a college degree. All things considered, I still have that going for me. Keep a diary of every day You’ll still lose track of every day you’re misplaced Keep a tally of all your shortcomings You may run out of empty space No matter how far you fall There is still some room to get back up. The choices are rarely easy No-one said that life was something you’d love. Pack it up, pack it in Let me begin to live again.
5.
All Of Me 03:06
This is a song by Half Hearted Hero off their album "Isn't Real".
6.
Sealed 02:10
Searching between the pause Of spinning spokes & circling sirens For any way to keep My head on straight and my debts paid. In the lulls I try to write you something Apologetic & earnest. To show you are worth the time Space on a page, postage and lines. All my letters are buried Under the weight of what the postman brings. I can’t say I place blame on life Keeping you from guilt laid in page. From best friends to pen-pals, Pen pals to memories, Memory to story, Story to fable, Fable to name you forget. You can’t keep your love together With packing tape Your friends won’t wait in boxes While you drift in and out of states When you change your address Some things get left behind Some passed because you had to Some things get lost with time
7.
Enough 01:10
A severed head in an art installation Isn’t enough. A spray tanned skull on the White House lawn Still won’t be enough. If this administration’s found face-down In a fracking waste-water pit, It would be a single dent in a cop car Running down another kid Unlearn every word for “master” Or get out of the way. Melt down every word for “weapon” Or get out of the way. It’s not a list of names I’m after Culture must be unmade Go pray to your god That I don’t rise to the surface one day. But you know I will.
8.
Witness 03:24
I wrote you something better than this Right after we met, right after we first kissed. I searched the world for that lost limb of words But now it’s gone, I’ll start over. Back up on the rooftop Of the Wolf of West Philly’s bike shop, We exchanged names Along with shirt-sleeves; Passed filters with the crashing sun. Then Sam burned down the hospital With the help of the Crutchfield Queens. We were spreading sparks, Eyes flying like larks; With torch songs burning In every hearth. I thought I could find your fire If I stayed on that rooftop The city’s lights just cast a blight I could barely see the moon. You said to me your mind was dirty, I thought sultry, coy and bright You said to me your mind was evil, Illegible, unkind. I ripped the strings of my guitars. Hoped you’d trust your hands, see how they work I thought if you looked inside You’d see something you’d recognize. Two broken smiles and battered bodies Yearning for something bigger A pair of hands with trembling fingers When forced in between lines We walked together when the leaves unhinged We built fires in hearths when days grew dark We walked together with stiff roots sucking at the summer rolling in Let’s see the seasons turn again On our heads and sides for the rest of our lives Let’s see the seasons turn again While we’re burning with time
9.
Remains 03:20
What’s a writer with nothing to say? A drunk without a cent left to his name? A man without a cause? Pitiful & selfish, but aren’t we all? Too often, we cast hope into the sea; Take what fits, abandon what can’t be. You’re safe for now, but what’s the cost? Is a blank page the worth of everything you’ve lost? Distance cannot drive a stake between The written past and fresh uncertainty, That feeling there is so much more; The yearning to be someone is inescapable. You can make sense of the wreckage and debris Build a stronger frame from your defeats Burnt synapses and fractured skulls Take the broken pieces & build a better home. Or you can build the fences high around your heart, Blood mixed with cement hold stakes from end to start. Metal wires twisted sharp; No decompression, no expansion, No motion in or out. What’s a life without the chance to breathe? Love trapped within fear or a mind feral and free? Do you give everything, or just enough? You’re terrified, you’re trying; but aren’t we all?
10.
This is a song by John K Samson off their album "Winter Wheat".

about

Here's a record; it's been a while. Some of these songs will have a second home on my next full band album "Selfish", some of these songs will only exist here, some of these songs aren't even mine.

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released March 8, 2018

Tracked, mixed and mastered by Dan Anderson in Upper Darby, PA. Artwork by Amado Bermudez-McLaud.

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Steve Layman Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

loner punk written by a lonely person.

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